My Mental State

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I Know in the past I mentioned I had a lot of Physical insecurities and that’s all still true but I suffer from a lot of other insecurities and this is just how I try to deal with day to day issues.

I suffer from Anxiety sometimes to the extent that I cant leave my home or even do simple tasks but I try to keep it all hidden. Only a handful of people in my life know I have anxiety and now that I’m in a relationship its something I really want to try to move away from and live a normal life. Like, everyone, we all have some sort of shit in our lives and I always keep my real feelings locked away that then becomes too much and I start to overthink and analyse everything. In most circumstances i try to give the whole I don’t care attitude and sometimes that works but then it all floods back into my head and it doesn’t matter what the topic is I always expect the worse. If you suffer from anxiety you can relate to some of what I’m saying and this is just a few things I’ve started to do that’s slowly helping me get a hold of it and take control of my own thoughts.

The first thing is talk about it! Men don’t share how they feel because they fear judgment or losing masculinity but the reality is your stronger for speaking up.
Ciarán (my boyfriend) for those who don’t know has really given me the push to be stronger without even realizing it. When we first started dating in the back of my mind I was terrified for a couple of reasons not only because of my coming out but fear he would think I was too much because I carry this baggage. I was so lucky that he didn’t judge me I start to open up more and share more of my life with him and I admire his view on worry and loss so its a goal of mine to be that strong some day.

My closest friend Leona is probably the only person and my mum who know everything about me and what way I think and how I process things. Leona has always had my back and I’m sure I drive her mad constantly doubting myself and doubting every situation in my life. Leona has a very logical way of looking at things and breaks down what I’m thinking and gives me ideas of how to fix it without actually telling me what I should and shouldn’t do. My mam is my rock and I’m not ashamed to say I’m a mammy’s boy but we help each other and we always talk to each other about how we feel and the support is always unbelievably strong.

So this is what I’m doing the past few months to try to get the anxiety out of my life and take full control over my emotions and fears.

Iv start to document everything! I know it sounds a lot but its really not. If I hit a stage in the day and trust me I hit several where i get overwhelmed with anxiety I just take out my phone and i put it into my notes I then try to move away from it and after I calm down I read it and its half the issue I felt when it first came to mind. I panic over loss so I fear because I let very few people into my life I fear that when I let them in they will hurt me in some way but this comes from past experiences where people close to me say or do things that make me lose trust. I’ve learned a lot over the past few months and I’m working hard on it for the next couple of months. I know this was brief and I only gave one tip but that’s the only tip I have right now because I’m still dealing and working on myself but if you suffer from anxiety or know somebody who does id love to hear your experiences and if you have overcome it then please share your tips and I will then post them on this page in hope to help others suffering in silence.

 

Gary x

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