I’m so proud of myself! That’s not something I say often but I truly feel proud and unstoppable! January 1st 2020 was a strange day for me but it has made me realise I’m a resilient bastard. I hadn’t got the best start to the new year and I really tried to focus on finding my self worth. I have recorded myself from the 1st of January right to this day and used all the negative people, experiences and just views I had to better myself. January 1st I woke up and decided that I was going to live for me and that I was not going to be dragged down or walked on ever again. I began a hard self discovery and healing process and had one vision in my head and that was to get stronger than ever before and I feel like I have actually done it! Mental health is something we all experience but we also experience betrayal and neglect. I chose to not let these things ever come into my life again and to start trusting my intuition and build myself physically and mentally. Loss is only a loss if you gained from it and worry and pain only hurt if you dwell on it. All the emotions that you feel at different stages of life are normal it’s what you plan to do with those feelings that make the biggest impact. This shoot was a very liberating experience for me on many levels and not just because I could show the real raw me but because I have built the person in these images. I thank @alsoknownassven for helping me take another step to self love and for showing me that I’m beautiful regardless the flaws. Never let anyone bring you down weather you love them or not and never let anyone stand between you and happiness. I have the body I’ve worked hard to get and keep. I have the strength I’ve built using everything life has thrown at me. I’m just warming up and know that nobody or nothing can stand between me and happiness.

Body Of Work by @alsoknownassven

Anybody who has followed my journey or knows me on a personal level know how insecure I really am about my body. I often get responses whenever I speak about body issues or insecurities telling me it’s all just for attention and that I couldnt be that insecure because of the content I share online. Since I was a young teen I have alway struggled with my skin then after years and still continuous struggles I’ve come to be a lot more accepting and relising that perfection doesnt exist! I really work hard on controlling my body shape which is ever changing and not always how I’d like it to be but that’s just life. I got to work with the incredibly talented @alsoknownassven and it was really a test for myself to regain confidence around my insecurities. Body image is important to so many people especially men and because it isnt spoken about that often is goes under the radar and it shouldn’t because men struggle just as much with self confidence. I am a work in progress and I have a long journey ahead of me but this experience and looking at myself in a natural light flaws an all I can now start to appreciate myself and not body shame myself anymore. We are all very different and that’s what makes us beautiful. I will do a part 2 soon and share more images we created and I thank @alsoknownassven for being so understanding to my insecurities and this has been a very liberating project for me.

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My Mental State

My Biggest secret is the battle I have with myself daily, Why I have trust issues, what I see for my future and what I’m trying to remove from my life.

Depression and anxiety are very common illnesses and each of us experiencing it and handle it very differently.

The past 2 years of my life have been the most challenging years for me, having just come out as gay having a very public response and having a pressure to be happy and dealing with my own demons when in reality I wasnt truley happy I was just going with it.

Coming out was the best thing I have ever done it made me feel free but I still didnt feel accepted. Getting to know this new life and culture was a lot to process and take in and to have my own personal issues still at the back of my mind I accepted everything good and bad because everything was so new and I shouldn’t have I should have just trusted myself. Gay culture in Dublin is very different to what I expected and I still struggle to fit in or feel accepted which can be very hard and lonely. Living a new life after spending 26 years lying to yourself about who you are and creating toxic habits and defenses feels like you just sit and watch the world but never experience living. I’m posting this today because its mental health awareness month and a time we as people should look after each other and not think because something looks perfect on social media that everything is fine I’m not always fine and I use a lot of social media to shadow my real feelings and issues. I attend weekly counselling and each week I try rebuild myself and make changes, I have removed myself from situations I’m not comfortable in as hard as it is to do I’m finally trying to live for myself. I feel strong again but not completely and I want you to know I’m here as a support if you struggle too.

Mental illness is not a weakness each challenge we get past makes us stronger even when things can’t get any worse know that you’ve made it this far and survivors dont give up.

I have done an interview that will be published soon and open up about my issues and what I’m doing to overcome them. Surround yourself with people who care and understand and the people who actually care will already be by your side.

Let go of the things that hurt you because your worth more than that.